


tEH KEWL CAPS!!

by orphan_account



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Abandoned Work - Unfinished and Discontinued, Chatting & Messaging, Gen, ITS GR8, a bit of sexual content but not alot okay, everyone's g a y, next gen captains, super gay™
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-22
Updated: 2016-11-12
Packaged: 2018-08-15 14:59:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,018
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8060944
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Akaashi left the chat. 
     futakuchinchilla:  what the fuck???





	1. here lies hot mama, 1999—2016

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [THE WIENER SOLDIERS](https://archiveofourown.org/works/7427812) by [damianwayne](https://archiveofourown.org/users/damianwayne/pseuds/damianwayne). 



> hi this is my first fic on ao3! i've written fics on fnet, wattpad, and even deviantart, but i really like ao3 out of all of them!  
>    
> i read a bunch of "next gen captains" fics and wanted to write my own (mostly inspired by the fic "THE WIENER SOLDIERS" by damianwayne) so i guess i'll give it a shot.
> 
> my tumblr: b0kur00  
> instagram: yurikatsukishima

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> rip ennoshita tho

**17:30, 14 October**

 

_Akaashi is online._

 

_Akaashi added futakuchinchilla, banana, city boi, theswanchild, mom, and creampuff to "Captains"._

 

_banana is online._

 

_banana changed the chat name from "Captains" to "tEH KEWL CAPS!!"._

 

_mom is online._

 

_city boi is online._

****

**mom:** terushima you ruin everything

 

 **city boi:** yeah terushima!!! stop ruining everything!!

 

 **banana:** meanie :((((

 

 **city boi:**  akaashi!!!! what is this???

 

 **Akaashi:** This is a chat I made for the new captains.

 

 **Akaashi:** I was planning a meetup in Miyagi later in November.

               

 **Akaashi:** I think we should start by introducing ourselves.

 

 **Akaashi:**  My name is Akaashi Keiji, I'm the captain of Fukurodani, and I'm a setter.

 

 **city boi:** my name is taketora yamamoto and i am the captain of nekoma!!! i'm the ace!!

 

 **mom:** hi, i'm ennoshita chikara, captain of karasuno, and a wing spiker

 

 **banana:** wAIT KARASUNO YOU GUYS HAVE PRETTY MANAGERS

**mom:** thanks?

 

**18:00, 14 October**

 

 **mom:**  akaashi save me

 

 **mom:** terushima keeps sending me friend requests and wants kiyoko's phone number

 

_Akaashi is offline._

 

 **mom:** fuck

 

**19:50, 14 October**

 

 **city boi:** omg stop harassing ennoshita meanie!!

 

 **banana:** yoU CANT SAY MEANIE THATS MY LINE :((

 

_futakuchinchilla is online._

 

 **mom:**  help

 

 **futakuchinchilla:** chikara!!!! bro!!!!!

 

 **mom:** please don't call me by my first name, futakuchi

 

 **futakuchinchilla** : aw!!!!!! i still love ya bro!!!

 

_mom is offline._

 

_creampuff is online._

 

 **futakuchinchilla:** did i say something offensive??

 

 **creampuff:**  nah mama needs her beauty sleep

 

 **futakuchinchilla:** it's 8:00?? also lmao did you just call ennoshita pretty

 

 **creampuff:**  fUCK YOU

 

 **futakuchinchilla:**  bye

 

_futakuchinchilla is offline._

**21:10, 14 October**

 

_theswanchild is online._

 

 **theswanchild:** somebody's triggered

 

 **banana:** your late

 

 **city boi:** *you're

 

 **banana:** fIGHT ME

 

 **creampuff:** your face triggers me

 

 **banana:** *you're

 

 **city boi:** terushima thats not how grammar works

 

 **banana:**  fuck!!!

 

_creampuff is offline._

 

_city boi is offline._

 

 _theswanchild is offline._  

 

 **banana:** :(((

 

_banana is offline._

 


	2. sweetened condensed milfs

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> yamamoto goes on 14 different diets, terushima wants to join dateko's cheer squad, and akaashi is (probably) dead.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oH MY AZUMANE I FORGOT ABT THIS fIC ( half the reason this chapter took f o r ev e r was me being an idiot™ and typing and formatting this on google docs and i had to manually re-bold and italicize :^) )
> 
> i signed up for so many clubs and i'm doing the school play so it may be three or four weeks until i update this. :((
> 
> ((did anyone read the new chap of the wiener soldiers tho it was gr8))

**03:35, 15 October**

 

_city boi is online._

 

_futakuchinchilla is online._

 

_mom is online._

 

 **city boi:** i feel gross

 

 **mom:** obviously

 

 **mom:** you went on a condensed milk diet for thirteen hours

 

 **mom:** _thirteen hours_

 

 **mom:** on a fucking condensed milk diet

 

 **futakuchinchilla:** hOW???

 

 **mom:** yamamoto made me come to his apartment in toyko and make fried condensed milk

 

 **futakuchinchilla:** HOW??????

 

 **city boi:** CONDENSED MILK IS GOOD FOR THE SOUL FUCK U ENNO

 

 **mom:** i’m not going back to kanto until you stop wasting your yen on cans of sweetened condensed milk

 

 **city boi:** fffUCC

 

_Akaashi is online._

  
  
**Akaashi:** What about training camp? The next one is at Nekoma, right?

 

_mom is offline._

 

**05:45, 15 October**

**futakuchinchilla:** i should probably introduce myself i guess??

 

 **futakuchinchilla:** hi!! i’m futakuchi kenji the cap and ace of date tech!!

 

_banana is online._

 

 **banana:** gO GO LETS GO LETS GO DATEKO

 

 **futakuchinchilla:** everyone does that…

 

_creampuff is online._

_theswanchild is online._

 

_mom is online._

 

 **creampuff:** yahaba shigeru, setter, captain of seijou

 

 **theswanchild:** shirabu kenjirou, the superior setter, and captain of shiratorizawa

 

 **creampuff:** i’m glad i didn't go to shiratori

 

 **theswanchild:** me too

 

 **creampuff:** you wanna fuckin go mate

 

 **theswanchild:**  to aoba johsai

 

 **theswanchild:**  i will arrive on my beautiful horse

  

 **creampuff:** shut up

 

 **futakuchinchilla:** omg shut up??

 

 **mom:** shut up

 

 **Akaashi:** Shut up.

 

_banana changed their name from "banana" to "pArtY bOiii !!!"._

 

 **city boi:** wow slut

 

 **pArtY bOiii !!!:** r to the 0 to the 0 to the d

 

 **pArtY bOiii !!!:** r00d papi 

 

_city boi left the chat._

 

**13:00, 15 October**

 

_Akaashi added city boi into "tEH kEWL cAPS!!"._

 

_Akaashi is offline._

 

 **city boi:** wow looks like a certain owl is t r i g g e r e d

 

_Akaashi left the chat._

 

 **futakuchinchilla:** what the fuck???

 

 **mom:** futakuchi c hill

 

 **futakuchinchilla:**  u curse all the time so fuk u mom

 

 **mom:** oh wow looks like im fuckin t r i g g e r e d bye

 

 **mom:** lmao no tanaka needs math help

 

 **pArtY bOiii !!!:**  ooh tanaka getting some fine mama ass

 

 **mom:** can you not

_futakuchinchilla changed "mom" to "milf <3"._

 

 **milf <3: ** can you not

 

_futakuchinchilla changed "milf <3" to "chikarass"._

 

 **chikarass:** ok ay that's better 

 

 **futakuchinchilla:** :DD

 

 **theswanchild:**  wow slut

 

 **city boi:**  binch that's my line asshole

 

 **theswanchild:** fuck off

 

 **city boi:** fuck on binch

 

 **chikarass:** go home

 

_city boi is offline._

 

**16:15, 15 October**

 

_city boi is online._

 

 **city boi:** omg hi!!! this is lev from nekoma!!! we took toras phone during practice!

 

 **city boi:** LEV NO oMG

 

 **city boi:** guys this is shibayama yamamoto's running towards us with a fish w hat do we do

 

_city boi is offline._

 

 **creampuff:**  what the fuck

 

_city boi is online._

 

 **city boi:** lev is such a pain in the ass omg sorry

 

 **chikarass:** hee hee ennoshita-san sucks at hiding his phone

 

 **theswanchild:** fuckin rip nekoma and karasuno

 

_theswanchild is offline._

 

 **city boi:** hinata?? is that you?

 

 **chikarass:** yeah!!!! who r u tho?

 

 **city boi:** the second years @ nekoma!!!!

 

 **chikarass:** cooldkekcmtHESE FUCKING SECOND YEARS

 

 **city boi:** riphinatwdnsjsji know right

 

 **futakuchinchilla:** you guys managed to get your phones back i see

 

_city boi is offline._

 

_chikarass is offline._

 

_futakuchinchilla is offline._

 

**19:30, 15 October**

 

 **creampuff:** they're fine, their phones were taken because they were on during practice

 

_theswanchild is online._

 

_futakuchinchilla is online._

 

_chikarass is online._

 

 **futakuchinchilla:** guys terushima was at dateko screaming our chant

 

 **futakuchinchilla:**  during spiking practice

 

 **pArtY bOiii !!!:**  hell ye i was

 

 **pArtY bOiii !!!:** we also did the frick ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) 

 

 **futakuchinchilla:** wE DID NOT

 

 **futakuchinchilla:** okay maybe he gave me a bj in the locKER ROOM BUT THAT DOESNT MATTER

**chikarass:** ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

 

 **city boi:** ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) 

 

 **theswanchild:** ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) 

 

 **futakuchinchilla:** stop pls

 

_futakuchinchilla is offline._

 

_theswanchild is offline._

 

_city boi is offline._

 

_pArtY bOiii !!! is offline._

 

_chikarass is offline._

 

_creampuff is offline._

 

~~_Akaashi is dead._ ~~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SEASON THREE EP 1 WAS SO LIT FAM
> 
> ok but seriously google fried milk and it's a real thing (can someone help me with the links)
> 
> http://www.nytimes.com/2008/07/09/dining/09fried.html?_r=0


	3. not a chapter *please read*

l've made up my mind. 

I'm going to abandon this fic. Not deleting it, but I will write more next gen stuff and make a revised next gen chatfic. I'm a sentimental person so I'll keep this up for fun.

Fic ideas for the future:

-TeruShira for [silveramoebasquid](http://archiveofourown.org/users/SilverAmoebasquid/pseuds/SilverAmoebasquid)

-Some K-Pop stuff (BTS and EXO)

-More "shippy" stuff (EnnoTana)

-Seijoh fic(s)

-Yuri!!! on ICE

 

My Tumblr: b0kur00

Instagram: thighchisawamura

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The first two chapters of the next gen caps fic should come out before New Year's.
> 
> See you soon.


End file.
